As you get in, she asks you to undress. You gingerly step out of your panties, embarrassed of the lion’s mane that you currently possess. She comes back in, asks you to lie down and spread your legs.

At this point, you may think we are shooting porn. We aren’t. This is the routine we women follow when we go for a bikini wax. Firstly, let me tell you, waxing any body part is painful. But we do it anyway. Secondly, bikini waxes were devised originally as ancient torture methods. However, we women with our love for everything that hurts – bad boys and bikini waxes- took this up whole-heartedly.

If you are going in for a bikini wax or know someone who is, here are a few questions you might have and they are answered here.

1. When should I get a bikini wax done?

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With a bikini wax, timing is everything. You want to schedule it for around a week after your period because you are less sensitive to pain by then. Not that it won’t hurt, but it hurts less. Also, if you get a bikini wax and want to keep getting one regularly, time for the next appointment to be when the growth is scant. You’ll get the cleanest area when your hair is atleast a quarter of an inch thick. Anything more and your waxing technician will trim it and anything less will mean the stubborn hair won’t come out. Remember not to shave in between appointments.

If you are thinking about age, there’s no age to get one. You can get one as and when you please.

2. Is it going to awkward?

Erm, possibly. You are going to be lying there, spread-eagled on a bed and you aren’t going to be having any sex, so you’d better find a person you are comfortable with. You might need to go to several salons, giving up your nether regions for testing before you find a woman who you can open up to (goes mental over pun). You are also going to be asked to lie in various positions, a little Kamasutra-y, be a little nervous so the key to not losing your head is to find a waxing person you love and then marrying them (or atleast being committed to them.).

Another thing, a good bikini wax takes anything from 30-45 minutes, so if your technician claims it will get done faster, there’s going to be some rushing. If you’d rather have her go at your pace, you need to tell her that.

3. What can possibly go wrong?

When you read any article about bikini waxes, they always mention double dipping. Double dipping is illegal in the US. It’s when they apply wax on your skin and then dips the same spatula into the wax. This can lead to various infections. Unfortunately in India, this is the norm and no one gives a shit. Your options are limited unless you carry everything yourself. But ensure your waxing technician is wearing gloves, uses sanitizer and carry a clean towel with you, which you can place under you during the waxing process. Jean Claude Biguine salons apply a wax which solidifies and is then taken off and dumped without using any strips, possibly the most hygienic way to do it here in India.

4. Is it going to hurt? Wait, is that blood?

Here’s the thing, it’s going to hurt, especially the first time. After that, it gets better. You may also bleed a little, these will be tiny flecks of blood but don’t freak out, this is normal. You will also feel a little raw down there. Your waxing lady may also be touching you quite intimately, moving, stretching and holding certain bits to ensure you feel less of a tug, this is also normal. Just so you know, some of these women do 10-20 waxes a day, they are not interested in your vagina.

5. What should I wear?

 

Technically, nothing. Okay, forget I said that. You should wear clean underwear (please tell me you do that anyway) and loose fitting pants. So avoid jeans or anything that’s too snug. Don’t wear anything that’s too lacy or net because your bare skin rubbing against these will cause itching. Take along some lotion, my salon lady recommended Candida, and apply this religiously to make the angry red, bumps go away. Don’t have a very hot shower just after and don’t touch or scratch the area. Sanitize the area by rubbing water and Dettol (the personal one) gently. Do this only after it has settled down a little.

6. When can I have sex?

Okay, so no one gets a bikini wax for fun. You are doing to coz you are going on vacation where you want to wear a bikini or are going to have sex. Or you’re a model. But we usually aren’t, so that’s out. Either way, you want to schedule the appointment atleast two days before the event. You cannot tan and cannot have sex as soon as you get you wax done. Also, no working out. Anything that makes you sweaty down there, isn’t good.

7. So weird. Am I going to be okay?

Yes, no one has ever died from getting a bikini wax. So the statistics are in your favour. The first few minutes are weird, but once she starts talking to you, you get better. It’s acceptable to shout or scream and abuse but try and keep it low and not scare other patrons of the salon. Take your time, there’s no hurry to get the service done. Remember to talk to your technician. You might want to go all out- the front and the back, all hairless- or you might want a strip. Whichever way it is, let her know.

8. Does it get better? And can I do it at home the next time?

Yes, regular waxing of the area means that the next time you go, it will pain less. And eventually, it becomes a routine. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your first or your routine, leave the bikini waxes to the professionals out there. The temperature of the wax, the growth of the hair, there’s plenty to take into consideration and it’s better if someone else does it for you. They also have a better view. Just saying.

Enjoy a hair-free experience for about 2 weeks atleast. It feels like a baby’s bottom in the front of your bottom. And there’s a sentence I thought I would never write.

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