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5 lessons I learnt from being a faghag

Over this weekend, I was invited by a gay (for the sake of clarity, I use the word ‘gay’ in this article to refer to homosexual men) friend to attend a party. I was to be a ‘faghag’. While the term may have been attributed many meanings, in this context, I was simply a girlfriend accompanying a gay guy to a gay party. This was my first time and I am the kind of person who makes booboos on a grand scale, so I was wary. Also, since I have a problem with being politically correct, I kept saying ‘ But, we normal people….’ Which I am sure made my friend want to punch me in the face or something. I came back unscarred and without my foot in my mouth which means I did well that night. Going to a gay party is nothing like anything I have been to before. And it was awesome. Here’s 5 things I learnt about their world from observing them and then being a pain and asking my friend all sorts of uncomfortable questions about sex.

They are not judgmental

In just one night, I spotted men of all ages, height, weight and whatnot. There were men in heels, a man in a dress, men wearing crop tops and men wearing fabulous blazers cinched at the waist with a golden belt. There were men wearing makeup, men wearing Zara, men wearing boots and men wearing jewellery. And no one was judging. There were guys who were young – I would put them at anything from 15-18 – and there were men who were older. And no one is looking at them like they didn’t belong. Everyone is welcomed with love.

They don’t care who’s watching

Everyone who was at the party was completely comfortable being openly gay. It was like they had finally been liberated from the shackles of pretense and could behave as they please. People danced when they felt like it, alone or with a partner, some waited to down a few drinks before they hit the dance floor, some looked like their limbs had a mind of their own but they didn’t care. They kiss openly, hug freely and display passion happily. It doesn’t matter to them if you are in a corner, watching them and silently judging because frankly, they don’t give a shit.

They embrace being gay fully

Just watching these guys is a transformative experience. You know how you think someone is gay because of them being effeminate? Yeah, well, they embrace that fully when they are at ease. They are comfortable cocking an eyebrow, pouting exaggeratedly, any expression that you usually associate with women, they use quite dramatically in their favour. You can spot a guy being seductive or one being coquettish, you can spot powerplay and you can spot temptation.  It’s cute to watch them do this because you realize what a struggle it must be for them to hide this side everyday and behave the way society expects them to. That’s not to say that all of them are effeminate. Some of the dudes are as macho as they come. So please, let’s unlearn that cliche.

That as a woman, you’ll be stumped

Across the world, when a woman walks into a place, most men will give her atleast a passing glance. It was possibly my first and only experience in life where I was almost invisible. No one wanted to touch me inappropriately, no one was staring at my tits. And most of my friend’s friends were the cutest, most adorable people. They were sweet, offering to get me my drink and I was ever so comfortable around them without having to worry if there were ulterior motives involved. I didn’t worry about my dress slipping too low or my hemline climbing up. So refreshing! If you won’t believe it, here are the numbers – about 250 men and 4 women in the entire place and I didn’t feel threatened even for a second. Plus, you will find yourself wishing a lot of them weren’t gay (it’s so unfair, they are so hot.)

There’s a lot you don’t know

When someone tells us they are gay, the first thought that comes to our head is’ so they sleep with a guy’. Well, that’s true. But there’s a lot you don’t know. As my friend patiently explained, they have their own classifications and rules. There are men who are Tops and men who are Bottoms. There are men who may sleep with a woman or could possibly sustain a marriage. There are men who do the wooing and there are men who need to be wooed. That they have a thing called gaydar which lets them accurately (almost to a fault) guess whether a person is gay. That sometimes, no matter how muscular a guy looks, he’s simply looking to be loved, by a guy and that we are no one to tell them that that’s wrong.

Most of all, I learnt that we are plain stupid for not letting this community be because they are insanely cool and exhilaratingly fun.

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